


Can't Wear You Out, 'Cause You're Solid Gold

by Amyrat151



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Smut and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:22:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1746194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amyrat151/pseuds/Amyrat151
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets some bad news from Robin about Sonny. He returns to Hurleyville along with Castiel to see his ailing friend who has a proposal for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> The title for the story comes the lyrics of the Lucky Boys Confusion Song Cigarettes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCaO-y5Pv-I. The chapter is named after the Aimee Mann song Save Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c48vs4lwgc.  
> Big thanks to the lovely Natalie, the beta for our story. Check out her cool stuff! http://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflecas/pseuds/hufflecas

Dean sighed. He couldn’t help it. No matter what Cas said, he just could not get excited about a ton of little well-placed dots that made a picture of a bunch of people standing in a park. He turned away from _A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte_ and sat down on the large wooden bench in the spacious room. He felt like a little kid that had been dragged by pretentious parents to look at “important” works of art in a vain attempt to culture their uncouth child. Dean had been to more museums, historical landmarks, and famous buildings in the past four months than he’d been to in his entire life.

Cas loved to look at artifacts of human kind and learn all he could about their history. He said he planned to use a considerable portion of his mortal life experiencing as many beautiful, interesting, and impressive marks that humans had left on the world as he could. And while Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy huge dinosaur fossils, ancient tombs, and suits of armor even a little, after the Art Institute of Chicago Dean had had his fill of art and museums to last him at least ten years. How could globs of paint on canvas be called art? Anyone could do that. How could anyone find that extraordinary? Dean sighed again and looked at his watch. Had they really been here for five hours? Christ, no wonder he was so hungry.

Castiel must have sensed Dean’s discomfort since he turned from the landscape of the park and said, “Dean, if you’re uncomfortable, you should have said something.”

“No, it’s fine, Cas. Look as long as you want at that Sir Rat guy’s painting.”

Cas had been so excited to come to this museum. He had babbled on and on about all of the famous painting and installations and their artists that where in the place for the couple hours it took to drive from a small town near Green Bay to the museum.

“It’s _Seurat_ ,” Cas said as he sat down next to Dean. “Dean, I want us to enjoy our time together and if you’re not having fun, you know I’d like you to tell me.”

Dean wanted to roll his eyes and say that it was no big deal. Coming here made Cas happy. It was worth the boredom and annoyance to see the smile Cas had as he’d rushed over to the big lion statues that stood on either side of the entrance and started taking pictures. However, Cas would probably frown at him and say he wanted to make Dean happy, too. They had had this particular conversation more than once before.

“Alright, fine. Can we get out of here and get something to eat?” Dean asked.

Cas smiled at him and gave Dean a short kiss. “Of course we can.”

Dean stood up and stretched his back until it popped. The case near Green Bay had been easy, just a typical salt and burn that didn’t even take two days to solve, but he had not slept the previous night, opting to drive here instead. Dean knew Cas would make sure he slept at least eight hours tonight. Cas took his hand and they walked together out of the museum. Dean looked down at their joined hands and wondered if he’d ever get completely used to this.

Being with Cas often felt like being in a dream. There were moments when Dean felt like he was outside himself, watching the two of them making dinner, researching cases, or in fucking Baby’s back seat. There were times when it was easier to disconnect himself from those moments than believe they were actually happening. How could Cas look at Dean like that, like he was the most precious and beautiful thing in the world? Cas knew about everything. He knew about Hell. He knew about every stupid, horrible, and pathetic thing Dean had ever done and Cas was still there beside him. Dean often had to quiet down the voices that told him Cas would one day have enough of Dean’s bullshit and leave. These fears were combined with the ones that Cas would be killed on a hunt. Either way, this perfect happiness Dean had was one that would never last. It couldn’t.

Dean was brought out of his dark thoughts when he heard Castiel ask, “You want to get some pie?”

And just like that Dean smiled. He looked into Cas’ eyes, and while most people would see a completely impassive face, Dean saw the worry there. Cas was trying to distract Dean with his favorite baked good, and he loved Cas for it.

“Haven’t I filled my bullshit pie quota for the week?” Cas had been trying, mostly in vain, to get Dean to eat better. Cas had been keeping an annoyingly close eye on what Dean was eating lately.

“It’s not bullshit, Dean.” Cas sighed. “The better care you take of yourself, the longer you’ll likely be alive and the longer we’ll be together,” Cas said all of this as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

Castiel paused in front of a homeless man and gave him a five dollar bill. The man’s grey hair contrasted against his dark skin. He smiled gratefully and said, “God bless you, son.” Cas smiled politely as he and Dean walked to the intersection. Dean knew that God was a subject that Cas would rather not indulge.

Dean pressed the button, but he didn’t know what for. It probably wasn’t really connected to anything. “Living longer because of healthy eating might make sense, Cas, if we didn’t routinely run towards instead of away from things that want to kill us.” The walk signal appeared across the street and they made their way towards the first restaurant they could see that was likely to have a decent burger.

They walked into the place, sat down, and had their menus open before Castiel spoke again.

“What if we didn’t always run towards things that want to kill us?”

Dean was about to take a drink from his water, but paused and put it down. “You mean quit? Seriously, Cas? I thought you wanted to be a hunter.”

“I do, Dean. I mean, I am, we are, and that’s great. I think the work we do is so important and I’m proud to be a part of it.” Cas paused, turning to look out the window at the busy Chicago afternoon. “But, I’m going to get old, Dean, or at least I hope I will.”

“I want you to get old, too Cas,” Dean said. The image of Cas with grey hair and wrinkles gave him a squirm of pleasure and a strange sense of longing.

“And you think I don’t want the same for you?” Cas asked, turning back to the other man with a knowing look in his eyes.

“Cas,” Dean began.

“No, Dean. I want to grow old with you. It’s something that people who are in love are supposed to do, isn’t it?”

“Traditionally, yeah, but that’s not our lives. Or at least not mine.” Dean paused and looked down at a groove in the restaurant table. He had already tried the apple pie thing with Lisa and if that experience taught him anything, it’s that he’s not meant for a life with backyard barbeques, a normal and steady job, and Saturday night dates with your significant other.

“Why can’t it be our lives, Dean? Not now, but someday when age has made it difficult for us to chase after monsters,” Cas said.

“Because that age doesn’t come for hunters. It ends sad or it ends bloody. We don’t have a retirement program.” Dean saw Cas flinch at his harsh tone and felt a twinge of guilt for his words, even if he didn’t completely regret them. Dean wasn’t going to sugar coat the truth for Cas or let himself pretend that the pair of them could walk hand in hand on a beach in Florida when they were in their 70’s.

The image in Dean’s mind changed and he instead pictured someone else at an elderly Cas’ side next to some beautiful ocean. Maybe Cas could find someone else, a woman, and the two of them could have kids together. Cas and this mystery woman could find a way to be happy and safe together. Dean had nothing to offer Cas that could compare to the life he could have with a real home and family.

Cas opened his month as if to speak, but Dean cut him off. “You know Cas, there’s probably someone else out there who could grow old with you, but I’m not sure that’s me.”

Cas looked like he wanted to cry and punch Dean hard in the face at the same time, but instead he slammed his fist down on the table, rattling the cutlery and causing water to spill out of the sides of the too full glasses. There were gasps from the nearby tables and curious eyes turned their way.

“Dean, are you an idiot? How could you ever think I’d want to be with anyone but you!?” Castiel sounded truly pissed off, and his flushed cheeks and flashing eyes matched his tone. Dean couldn’t stop the shameful thought that Cas did look really sexy when he was angry. Before Dean could answer, a waitress came up to their table.

“Everything alright here?” The woman with blonde hair and a politely professional smile asked.

Dean watched Castiel deflate before his eyes. They talked before about private conversations and how they’re considerably less private when discussed loudly and openly around other people.

“Yes, we’re fine. I’m sorry if my outburst of emotion disturbed your customers,” Cas said frankly.

The waitress laughed. “Sure thing, honey. Ready to order?”

The meal was pleasant. Dean had the best roast beef sandwich he’d probably ever tasted and Cas had an avocado and chicken salad. They chatted about Krissy and her two friends, Josephine and Aidan, since Dean had talked to her recently. Josephine was doing well in school and was encouraging Krissy to apply to college. Dean, of course, told Krissy that she should apply too. Dean wondered if he overstepped his bounds in lecturing Krissy about keeping her options open for her future, but if she ended up as a geologist instead of burning bones for the rest of her life, Dean would call it a win.

Apparently Cas had not brushed off their conversation or forgotten about it because the moment Dean closed the door of their motel room, the former angel spoke up. “Do you really think we should, what’s the term, ‘break up?’” Cas sounded more scared than angry now.

“What?” Dean was truly confused for a moment, until he remembered. “No, Cas, I don’t want to break up.” And he truly didn’t. However, Dean also knew he couldn’t be selfish and he knew that there was almost definitely someone better out there for Cas.

Castiel took a deep breath. “Do you still love me?”

“Yes, Cas but--”

“Do you still want to be with me?”

“Yes! God, I want to be with you, okay?” Dean couldn’t help the edge of anger creep into his voice, feeling at war with himself. He looked over at Cas and instantly felt like the world’s biggest asshole. Cas looked defeated and on the verge of tears. Dean instinctively made a move towards him, ready and willing to say or do anything that would remove that look from Cas’ face, but he backed away.

Dean couldn’t help the surge of fear that had overcome him. What if this was finally it and Cas had finally wised up enough to leave Dean? Dean turned cold at the thought and felt tears sting his own eyes.

Cas turned his back to Dean and he heard Cas take several long, deep breaths. “Dean, why did you suggest I find another romantic partner?” Cas asked sincerely.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” Dean replied automatically.

Cas turned back to the other man. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have. It was an extremely hurtful thing to say. It also scared me but that didn’t answer my question. Why did you say it?”

“Because I think it’s true, Cas. Look, I want you to have whatever type of life that you want and you shouldn’t let me hold you back from it,” Dean stated simply.

Cas let out a humorless laugh. “This again? Dean, when are you going to get it through your thick head? I’m here because I want to be. I’m hunting because I want to hunt. I’m with you because I want to be with you. It’s my choice, Dean. You’re the one who taught me that! You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, I do and for me that means being here in this hotel room with you.”

“Yeah, okay you want to be here _now_ , but what about the future and stuff? Because Cas, I just don’t see one happening for us,” Dean said, feeling defeated.

Cas’ expression softened and he walked towards Dean and softly cupped his face. “Dean, when I look into the future all I see is you. All I want is you. Everything else is just details.” Cas brushed his lips up against Dean’s and placed a small kiss on the corner of the other man’s month. Cas took Dean’s hand in his and placed it on the former angel’s chest. “I promise you Dean, I will be with you as long as I live.”

Instead of giving Cas a verbal response, Dean kissed him. He had meant for the kiss to be slow and apologetic but when he pressed his lips to Cas’, the dark haired man wrapped his arms tightly around Dean and made a pleased sound against his month. Dean was caught off guard by Cas’ obvious eagerness for physical contact. Weren’t they just fighting only thirty seconds ago? However, by the time Cas ran his tongue across Dean’s bottom lip, the hunter stopped thinking and let himself be taken over by the other man’s touch. He caught up easily with the pace Cas set. Entwining their tongues together and moaning and sighing when the other bit, soothed, and nipped the other’s lips.

Dean’s hand was still pressed over Cas’ chest. His fingers curled into the stiff fabric of the clothes that Cas insisted on wearing when they hunted because _it’s professional, Dean_. He felt the thudding of Cas’ heart against his palm, faster than it was before but still steady and strong, while Dean’s heart beat erratic and wild. Dean couldn’t help it – not when Cas’ hand was still holding his face, when his lips were this wet and warm and real against his own.

The Winchester broke away from the kiss but still clutched onto a fistful of Cas’ shirt. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Cas looked beautiful with blush-painted cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. Dean allowed himself a smile before diving back in to drag his own tender-from-kissing lips over the slight stubble on Cas’ jaw and down the side of his neck. Cas hummed and titled his head back, encouraging Dean on his journey to his lover’s collarbone. Dean tugged at Cas’ shirt, forcefully undoing the top few buttons, in order to get the annoying fabric out of the way. Dean caressed Cas’ clavicle with his tongue and when he bit down Cas shivered and moaned.

A feeling of pride on Dean’s part couldn’t be denied when Cas grabbed his hair and clashed their mouths back together. He might suck at having important, deeper conversations with Cas but he knew how to make the former angel feel good. Dean hoped that this would be enough to make up for his careless words at the diner. He took his lips from Cas’ and whispered an _I love you_ before catching Cas off guard and pushing him on the bed.

Cas’ laughter from the surprise of being shoved on the too soft motel mattress subsided as Dean pulled the other man’s shirt up to bow down and kiss and nip at his stomach and hip bones. Cas tried to pull the other man down to catch Dean’s lips again but the hunter only shook his head and offered a smug smile.

“Off,” Dean commanded, tugging on Cas’ belt. Blue eyes widened with astounded delight as he nodded and fumbled with the buckle, stripping it out of the loops with quick hands. Giving head was not something Dean usually offered so freely. Dean dropped to his knees and ran his fingernails over Cas’ thighs before parting them. He teased his angel with a deliberate lick of his lips as he stared up at him through his lashes.

Cas groaned and quickly unbuttoned his pants at the same time Dean hooked his fingers around the waist and dragged them and his boxers down past his knees. Cas let out a low hiss as the air hit his erection. He arched his hips up into nothing, staring down at Dean all the while, putting on a bit of a show of his own. The fallen angel gave his lover a look that dared him to stop.

Dean didn’t keep Cas waiting. He leaned forward and licked a long stripe up Cas’ cock, coaxing another moan from between those divine, pouty lips.

Cas gripped the base of his erection and guided it towards Dean’s mouth, pressing it against his lower lip. Cas used to be so shy and unsure, curious and patient, that his neediness and lack of shame now is hotter than it has any right to be. Dean didn’t waste any more time, opening his mouth and sucking down Cas’ length in one go. Cas’ fingers were tight in Dean’s hair but not painful, never painful, just taut enough to keep Dean grounded and sane and secure.

Cas always knew what Dean needed, even when Dean didn’t know it himself.

He swirled his tongue and teased the tip, licking over the sensitive head until he tasted that sweet, musky pre-come he had come to love so much. Cas tried not to buck or flex his hips but he was failing miserably. Dean might find it funny if he wasn’t so turned on. He didn’t bother trying to hold Cas down; he loved the way the former multidimensional wave length lost control. Dean could get high on the way Cas keened and moaned without regard for the paper thin walls between them and their neighbors.

When Cas’ cock hit the back of his throat, Dean’s muscles fluttered over the intrusion as he swallowed back the reflex to gag. Cas’ sinful moan of “Oh, Dean” was his reward. Dean felt a shrug of pride at that and figured this was just something he had to work at getting used to. He pulled his mouth back and drew in a deep breath before wrapping his lips around Cas’ cock again. Cas hissed a sharp breath at the return of sudden tightness in Dean’s throat. Cas writhed before him and panted, “Please Dean! Please don’t stop!”

Dean used to get into fights whenever anyone in a seedy bar was drunk or bold enough to make a comment about Dean and his “dick sucking lips,” and he would burn with shame no matter the outcome of the fight for however long it took to find a willing female body. Now, Dean happily used his pink, plump lips to his advantage on his Cas’ throbbing member. The hunter dragged them over the heated flesh and hollowed out his cheeks to drive Cas wild. His dark-haired lover did not disappoint him. His breathing stuttered at the same time that his fingers clenched even tighter, that iron-clad control of his slipping away alongside his pretense of dignity. Cas was whimpering: the granite toned moans turned high pitched and needy and he stopped trying to keep his hips still.

It was a challenge at first to adjust to the new deep, rough thrusts of Cas’ cock down his throat, but the pure, unfiltered excitement bleeding from Cas’ pores was enough to make Dean nearly come in his pants. Dean kept his jaw slack as he palmed his own pulsing erection through his jeans, humming his approval and making Cas shiver hard.

Dean could tell Cas was getting close from the way his thighs were trembling, from the way his whimpering moans devolved into desperate, heavy breaths. Dean knew he was damn good with his mouth, but he’d been going easy on his angel so far, saving his best tricks for last. He made his mouth as loose and wet as he could, swallowing and moaning around the hot, swelling flesh until Cas was coming hard down Dean’s throat, gasping and biting so hard on his lip it almost bled.

The hands in Dean’s hair softened into a caress, and only sound to be heard was Cas’ pants slowing down into deep breaths. Now that Cas’ needs had been met, Dean figured he could take care of himself. He was achingly hard in his jeans, but before he could whip himself out and go to town until he was just as sated and replete, he heard Cas’ soft laughter. Cas leaned down and titled Dean’s head up to look at him.

“Apology accepted,” Cas said and, damn, Dean didn’t realize he was that transparent.

“Was it that obvious?” Dean chuckled, turning red. He rose to his feet and leaned down to give Cas a kiss, but Cas apparently had other ideas because he grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him close so he would fall onto his lap. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, clearly with no intent of letting go. “Uh, Cas?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Cas said, the lust and desire still bright in his eyes, burning through Dean like tendrils of gasoline.

Dean licked his lips nervously, drawing Cas’ attention to the slick flush of his swollen lips in lieu of his eyes. “Mighty strong language for an angel there, babe.”

Cas growled, catching Dean by surprise. Sure, he’d heard Cas growl before, but not this quickly after an orgasm and never in an attempt to get him in bed. Dean rarely needed convincing in that department, but this was supposed to be an apology, supposed to be something just for Cas.

“I’m not an angel anymore,” Cas reminded him with a smirk.

Fuck, Dean thought. Those words had no right to sound anywhere near that sexy.

Cas was making it exceptionally difficult to turn him down.

“You sure?” Dean smiled, doing his valiant best to hold off on laying Cas onto the mattress, spreading his legs, and fucking him. Blood coursed through his veins at an alarming speed at the thought. He kissed Cas without preamble and the other man moaned at the taste of himself on his lover’s lips. Cas drew back from Dean’s mouth to lick at any stray bits of come Dean didn’t swallow down before, humming with pleasure at the taste. This man was going to kill him. It really wasn’t fair how easily Cas could drive him near insane with lust and turn him into a needy mess. Fine, if he was going to tease him this mercilessly, Dean could show him that two can play that game.

Dean reached around behind Cas with a single hand, pretending to pluck an invisible feather from his back. “You know Cas, I think there could be a little leftover angel in you still.”

And that was it, Cas’ final straw. Dean suddenly found himself being tossed on the bed, his back colliding with the soft motel bed and lumpy pillows with one incredibly hungry looking Cas crawling over him. This was bad, _very_ bad; Dean was actually trying to be selfless for once but he was about to be deeply, greedily selfish.

Cas wasted no time in ripping off his button down shirt, buttons flying over the room, clacking and pinging against various surfaces. Cas also removed his undershirt, shoes, and pants in under five seconds. Dean sat up and Cas helped him take off his Led Zeppelin t-shirt. After the shirt found its new home on the lamp shade, Cas drew Dean into his arms and sighed happily into his hair as if feeling Dean’s bare chest pressed against his would be all he would ever need in life. Cas only paused for only a moment more before going back to getting Dean undressed as quickly as possible.

Once they were both completely naked, Dean opened his legs and grabbed Cas so he could lay in between them. Cas ground his hips down against Dean’s, slotting their cocks together, and the green eyed man cried out in relief at the attention, as rough as it was, finally being paid to his previously neglected dick. He wrapped his legs around Cas tighter and bucked up as hard as he could, feeling Cas starting to harden again. Cas brought a hand in between them and wrapped it around Dean, rubbing a calloused finger over Dean’s slit and spreading the pre-come down his shaft with just the right speed and pressure. If Cas kept that up, Dean sure as fuck would not last much longer.

“Cas, baby if you want me to fuck you, you have to stop.” Dean said, his voice sounding so shaky, he would have been embarrassed were it anyone but Cas in his arms right now.

Cas only smiled at Dean rose to his knees and rolled off the bed to retrieve the lube from his bag. When Cas came back he kissed Dean again, this one relatively short and chaste but no less familiar and comforting. Dean reached towards the bottle that Cas had set on the bed, but Cas smacked his hand away with a smirk. He took the bottle in hand and squirted some of the gel-like substance into his palm. Cas did not take his eyes off Dean as he warmed the lube a bit with his fingers, reached between his legs, and slowly breached his hole.

 _He really is trying to kill me_ is all Dean could think as he watched Cas open himself up with deft efficiency. Cas licked at and bit his lips as he moaned, gasped, and panted as he touched himself. When Cas found his prostate, he yelled out Dean’s name and the hunter was sure for one insane moment that he had come from that delicious moment alone. He was very glad he hadn’t, however, when Cas took him in hand, lined him up with his wet and stretched hole, and lowered himself onto Dean’s lap.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean said as he was enveloped by the heat of his lover’s body. Cas let out a long breath and closed his eyes, clearly savoring the moment. The moment did not last long.

Dean tightened his grip on Cas’ thighs and bucked up, hoping Cas would get the message. Cas smirked and said, “So impatient, Dean. I thought this was supposed to be your apology.”

Before Dean could respond, Cas swiveled his hips and Dean soon lost his ability to say much of anything at all. Cas’ pace was harsh and unyielding but Dean did his best to keep up. He bounced up and down on Dean’s cock, crying out almost each time he bore down again. Dean bucked up, hitting Cas’ sweet spot almost every time. Castiel made for a truly spectacular sight. He was drenched with sweat, his body a beautiful rosy color, hair sticking out in all directions, and it was all for Dean.

Cas gripped Dean’s shoulders and dug his nails into the toned muscle. Dean couldn’t help the pained noise that escaped him, knowing that he would have bruises there tomorrow. Cas slowed the pace of his hips and leaned down and kissed his shoulders in apology, licking and gently nipping around the reddened skin. Dean took one of his hands from Cas’ thighs and guided his lover’s lips back to his again. It was barely a kiss and would be better described as harshly panting against each other’s lips.

Cas drew back slightly and smiled at him. A feeling of pure happiness came over Dean. It was undeniably strong, almost if it hard the weight of a real, tangible thing.

“I love you,” Dean said, surprising himself with how desperate he sounded. In that moment Dean realized just how scared he was to lose Cas. He was a moron to think he could ever let him go.

Cas leaned back and pulled Dean forward to sit him up. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s lap and took the hunter’s face inside his hands. He said nothing, just stared into Dean’s eyes and rubbed his thumbs over Dean’s cheek bones.

Dean closed his eyes and leaned into Cas’ touch, praying to whatever God might be out there in the hope that he would get to keep this. Cas shifted in his lap, planting his feet on either side of Dean to give himself leverage and started grinding his ass down onto Dean’s cock again.

Cas pushed Dean gently towards the bed, as if to lay him back down again, but the hunter held his angel close to him, keeping their upper bodies vertical and pressed together. Cas grabbed onto Dean’s shoulders again, being mindful of his bruises, and moved up and down until Dean threw his head back and released his orgasm into Cas. For a moment Dean knew nothing but pleasure, calm, and Cas’ skin. Dean moved forward to give Cas his traditional post coital kiss, but when he pressed their bodies together, Dean felt with a pang of guilt that Cas was still hard.

“Hey,” Cas said, drawing his attention. “What’s wrong?” Clearly, Dean’s remorse showed on his face.

Dean swallowed and said, “Nothing, it’s just that you didn’t come before I did.”

“Does that matter?” Cas asked, in a tone that suggested it was ridiculous to think that it honestly did matter.

Dean rolled his eyes. “I guess not.”

“Good. Now, are you going to do something about it?” Cas teased.

Dean didn’t answer with words. He wrapped his hand around Cas’ hot, hard flesh and gave it a few good tugs before Cas came again.

Dean wiped his hand on the bedding as Cas fell forward onto Dean’s chest like a puddle melting over him, limp and sated. Dean folded his arms over his angel’s back, keeping him steady and warm while he caught his breath and came back down to earth.

Cas slowly came back to himself, tired but smiling over the two blissful orgasms he’d just had. He kissed Dean’s neck, his cheek and chin, languidly making his way to Dean’s lips for a long, lazy moment.

When he rolled off, Dean stretched and went to hop off the bed to get a damp cloth so they could clean up, but Cas caught his elbow before he could get too far. He turned, widening his eyes with a question, letting Cas pull him further onto the bed and back into his angel’s arms.

Blue eyes stared into green ones for what felt like forever. Slender fingers smoothed over Dean’s hair down to his nape, and as much as Dean wanted to get lost in the moment and close his eyes, he knew that there was something on Cas’ mind.

“You okay?” Dean asked, his voice soft and quiet.

Cas smiled, his eyes glinting with a shine of contentment. “Perfect,” he said, then pressed their foreheads together.

Yeah, Dean felt pretty perfect too.

“You know, Dean,” Cas started, his fingertips brushing over the shell of Dean’s ear, “it’s okay if you don’t have hope, if you don’t think we’ll have a long and happy future. I have enough faith for the both of us.”

Dean had to swallow back the lump in his throat, that clogging, nagging feeling that he was about to cry or be overly emotional. It just wasn’t his style, but somehow Cas always managed to slither beneath his skin and make him feel things he never thought possible. He loved Cas, so much, and wanted that future so badly that it plagued his dreams more often than he cared to admit. Cas knew, said it was okay, and it lifted the weight sitting heavy on his heart.

“If you say so,” Dean grinned, light and teasing. He’d never be a poet, but Cas could always read between the lines anyway.

“Come here,” Cas said, tugging Dean in close until they were pressed together with their legs entwined. “I want to sleep with you.”

Dean laughed at that, even though he knew what Cas meant. He hoped the way Cas adjusted to the human language would never get old, because it was damn funny. “Yeah, babe. Let’s get some sleep.”

They closed their eyes and breathed in each other’s air, letting their bodies settle into each other. Dean had no idea how he ever managed to fall asleep before this, before he had Cas to lull him out of consciousness so peacefully. He still wasn’t sure about forever, but he hoped to hell that Cas was right, that he had enough faith to keep them going until they were riding the pine.


	2. Medicine and Gasoline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of update for all those long weeks. However, real world things happen and betas go on vacations. The chapter is here now for your viewing pleasure, though and that's what's important. The title of the chapter comes from the Lucky Boys Confusion song Medicine and Gasoline: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4NFJqSjBRc.

Dean and Castiel were startled awake in their motel room around 8 pm when one of their neighbors threw a liquor bottle against a shared wall. Dean instinctively reached for his gun before he realized there was no danger in the room to point it at. Cas groaned and laid back on the bed, throwing the covers over his head. Damn, their neighbors were loud. Dean wondered how they hadn’t been woken up before. In any case, he and Cas were now being treated to a screaming match between a married couple with a wife who had just found out her husband was cheating on her.

Dean sighed and shook Cas’ covered leg. “Do you wanna get out of here for a while?”

Cas only groaned again and Dean couldn’t help but smile. Cas really was a lazy ass when it came to getting out of bed in the morning, or evening in this case. Most mornings he would burrow into the covers and damn near cling to Dean, muttering about needing a few more minutes of sleep at Dean’s suggestions that they get up. The hunter was in a teasing mood so he pulled the covers away and smiled at Cas’ scowl.

“Why can’t they have their domestic dispute in a place where people aren’t sleeping?” Cas whined.

Dean leaned down and kissed the annoyed expression off his best friend’s face. “I don’t know baby, some people are just fucking inconsiderate.”

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and sighed. The hunter relaxed on top of him, resting his head on his chest, tracing lazy patterns into the angel’s skin and listening to his steady heartbeat. Castiel ran his fingers though Dean’s light brown hair, gently massaging his scalp. Dean just about purred underneath his lover’s hands. The moment would have been perfect it weren’t for shouts of “I will kill that fucking whore!” coming from only a few feet away.

“I’m hungry,” Cas admitted with a sigh.

“Then let’s find you something to eat,” Dean said. He got off the bed and started gathering up the clothes that Cas had torn from his body only hours before. Dean grabbed his Led Zeppelin t-shirt from the floor and sniffed it before judging it clean enough and put it on.

The fight next door didn’t seem to be slowing down as Dean could hear what sounded like yet more objects being thrown around. _Maybe I should call the manager_ , Dean thought as he pulled on a pair of jeans that might have been Cas’.

Castiel reached over to the motel phone and dialed the front desk. Dean couldn’t help but smile as Cas spoke to the elderly manager, Mr. Watts, about the disturbance. Lucky was a word Dean never imagined he would use to describe himself but he figured he might be. He had two people in his life, Sam and Cas, who were so attuned to him that they could have the same thought at the same moment.

Cas got out of the bed and reached down into the bag on the floor next to the TV, treating Dean to a rather nice view of the former angel’s bare backside. Dean crept up on Cas and gave his ass a slap. Cas yelped in surprise more than pain and straightened up.

“Dean!” Cas scolded. The tone in his voice only made Dean laugh.

“Sorry Cas, it’s just that you have such a great ass,” Dean teased as he cupped said backside in a firm grip. “I just have to pay it all the attention that it deserves. Plus, consider it payback for all the times you snuck up on me.”

“Angels don’t have the same etiquette that humans do so I didn’t know I was violating the implied rules of behavior. You’re just looking for an excuse to ‘feel me up.’ Is that correct?”

“Yes, and I don’t need an excuse,” Dean said before catching Cas’ lips in a kiss. Cas raised his arms and wrapped them around Dean’s neck, pushing their bodies together in a firm line. If Dean was ever inspired to do something as ridiculous as write poetry about any subject, it just might be Cas’ lips. They were always so soft yet firm, pink, and gorgeous. Dean’s life would always be that much easier to deal with as long as Cas was there with lips to kiss him.

“You’re happy,” Cas observed with a rather owlish expression on his face after they parted.

“Yeah, Cas. I think I am,” Dean said lightly.

Castiel looked at Dean as if to study him before opening his mouth up to speak again. “Dean, in the course of my existence I’ve made a lot of mistakes but you were never one of them. Being by your side has always felt right and I imagine it always will. So please, don’t worry about me leaving,” Cas said with quiet conviction.

In that moment Dean dearly wished he could promise the person in front of him, who was undoubtedly the love of his life, that he wouldn’t worry anymore. But that would be a lie and the pair of them promised not too long ago that they wouldn’t lie to each other anymore. Lies had cost them too much. So Dean tried for honesty.

“I’ll try, Cas.”

Cas smiled and said, “I know you will. I just don’t want fear to ruin our time together. We deserve some happiness, Dean, especially you.”

Dean fought the urge to protest Cas’ words as his eyes drifted away from Cas’ face.

The dark haired man got the hunter’s attention again by poking him hard in the stomach.

“Ow! Cas, what the hell?” Dean asked, rubbing his soft midsection.

“I did some reading about operant conditioning not too long ago. You were just thinking that you don’t deserve to be happy, so I poked you so that you might associate that particular thought with pain, and therefore be discouraged from having similar thoughts in the future,” Castiel said, sounding very much like he had swallowed a textbook.

Dean let out an incredulous noise. “So you’re going to train me like a dog? Hits for bad behavior, treats for good behavior?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “No, of course not, Dean, but if I have to poke you in the stomach every once in a while to remind you that you’re allowed to be happy, then I will poke you.” Cas put his hands on Dean’s face and bounced on the balls of his feet to reach up a bit to give Dean a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll get dressed and we can get some dinner.”

When Cas and Dean left their motel room, they saw the manager trying to calm the fighting couple from next door down. Mr. Watts was a nice man. He and Cas had spent what felt like an hour talking about gardening when they had checked in that morning. He had bragged about his big, juicy tomatoes and asked Cas and Dean to remind him to give them some when they checked out. Mr. Watts also told them they made a beautiful couple and got misty eyed as he talked about his wife, Lenore, who had died not too long ago. Dean suspected that Mr. Watts could handle himself but he couldn’t help but worry a little since the wife looked nearly murderous. She was holding on tightly to a red belt and looked like she wanted nothing more than to hit everyone in her vicinity with it.

Dean had to admit driving in Chicago was a bit of a pain, so Cas didn’t have to work too hard to persuade him to leave Baby in the parking lot. “It’s such a lovely night Dean, let’s go for a walk,” he said.

They found a bar with good food and a live band, playing music Dean would consider better than decent. The evening was somewhat soured, however, by no less than three people hitting on Cas. Two of them backed off quickly after Cas said he was with someone and patted Dean’s thigh. However, one woman was especially aggressive. Cas had become significantly less oblivious to human mating habits in the past few years, but sometimes he was still left so baffled by people’s attempts to get him into bed that he didn’t know that he was being hit on.

Dean was coming back to his and Cas’ booth with a couple of beers when he saw a dark haired woman with too much make up on laughing at something Cas had said. Or maybe she was laughing at his confused expression. Her movement was exaggerated so that her hair danced around her face.

When Dean slid into the booth next to Cas, he said, “Here’s your beer, baby,” and kissed him. The blue eyed man looked surprised after they parted. Neither Dean nor Cas were big on public displays of affection. Dean wasn’t even comfortable holding hands most of the time. However, Dean was feeling more than a little fed up with people ogling Cas and wanted everyone around them to know that Castiel was with Dean and that he wasn’t willing to share. The woman only giggled at their behavior before leaving.

They were wrong to think that was the last they would see of her. She appeared like magic every time Dean stepped away from Cas’ side to go to the bathroom, get another drink, or answer a call from Sam or Charlie. Towards the end of the night Dean was considering, however briefly, punching her in the face. If Dean took a step back from the situation, he might consider his reaction funny since he’d never gotten jealous before. With every other person he’d had feelings for beyond a one night stand, the thought of losing them to another inspired no real reaction from Dean, including Lisa. But now the idea of Cas being with someone else made Dean’s insides do all sorts of unpleasant things.

Dean and Cas had a much better night after they went back to their motel room. Thankfully, the room next to theirs was now quiet. They changed into sweats and got into bed to watch TV. Cas found a station playing classic Warner Brother’s cartoons. Dean loved that even with his vast knowledge of fiction, Cas still got a little excited every time he saw Daffy Duck, the Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, or Foghorn Leghorn on TV. The former warrior of Heaven watched the classic children’s programming with rapt attention. Dean fell asleep that night to the sound of over the top sound effects and Cas’ soft laughter.

***

Dean woke up the next morning surprised to see that Cas was already awake and sitting at the table beside the kitchenette in their room. He had a map, his computer, and several brochures in front of him. He was circling landmarks on the map and making notes. Once Dean got of bed and went to the bathroom, he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined Cas at the table.

“Morning, Dean,” Castiel said, rather brightly.

“Morning, Cas. What’s got you all peppy this morning?” Dean asked.

“I wasn’t the one who didn’t sleep the other night so we could get to Chicago before the art museum opened,” Cas said fondly as he entwined his fingers with Dean’s and swiped his thumb over the back of his hand. “Also a production of _As You Like It_ is playing in a small theater not even ten minutes from here. I called, they haven’t sold out yet,” Cas said as he drew a line on the map from one place to another.

“ _As You Like It_?”

“Shakespeare.” Castiel chuckled at Dean’s groan. “Come on, Dean, I was thinking we could go on a brewery tour before we see the play. I looked it up, they do let you taste many different flavors as a part of the expense of the tour.”

“You might have to do better than that for Shakespeare, Cas.” Dean said frankly. Seeing a Shakespearean play to Dean was an annoying combination of frustrating and boring. It was a huge pain that he needed Sam or Cas to explain what was going on, as if he were stupid or a child.

Cas pushed his papers together and folded up the map. He got up from cheap vinyl chair and took off his shirt and sweatpants. “I’m sure I can manage to make up for the boredom you’ll feel after watching the works of one of humankind’s greatest story tellers,” Cas said bluntly.

Dean shook his head. Subtlety would never be one of Castiel’s strong suits, and he loved him for it. “Really?” Dean asked with feigned disinterest. “And what are you going to do to make it up to me?”

Cas moved from his causal stance next to the table to leaning imposingly over Dean in the blink of an eye. He might not have his grace anyone, but only a fool would underestimate him. “I’ll rim you in the shower but I won’t touch you or let you touch yourself. I’m going to lick you open so that when we get out, my fingers are going to slide into you easily. And then I’m going to fuck you from behind.”

Dean involuntarily shivered in his seat with anticipation. When he tried to speak only a whimper came out. Cas’ proposal sounded like damn near the greatest thing in the history of ever and Dean itched to touch him. Before Dean could lay his hands on the dark haired beauty, Cas grabbed the hunter’s wrists and kept them pinned to the table. Castiel titled his head and moved in as if to kiss Dean but he drew back before their lips could touch. Dean groaned in annoyance as he felt his arousal only increase further. Cas laughed lightly, moved towards the bathroom, and took off his boxers to shamelessly show Dean his own erection. “Are you coming?” he asked.

Before Dean could even move, his phone buzzed to life on top of the TV. _Smoke on the Water_ played and Dean rolled his eyes. _Fucking universe, trying to cock block me._

“You should get that, it could be important,” Castiel said with a small sigh. “I’m going in the shower.” Cas walked back towards Dean, leaned down and gave him a short, chaste kiss. “Don’t worry, I won’t start without you.”

“You’d fucking better not,” Dean said in a husky voice before getting up and kissing Cas again. He grabbed his lover and ground their hips together, wringing a moan out of Cas before silencing it with his lips. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and squeezed as he pressed his lips to his hunter’s and let in a long, deep breath.

“Just don’t take too long, Dean,” he said with a wink that Dean wanted to laugh at, being reminded of how long it had taken for Cas to understand winking. Dean’s desire to laugh left him, however, when the former angel fucking sauntered into the bathroom, turned around, smirked, and shut the door. _Fucking tease_ , Dean thought as he tossed his head back and took a deep breath to collect himself. Phone conversations with hunters and boners didn’t usually mix.

Dean conjured up the most unsexy image he could think of in that moment, Sam’s face after he threw up on a girl he liked after going on a Tilt-A-Whirl at a carnival they went to when they were kids, and walked towards the ringing phone. He tried not to get too pissed at the unknown caller but it would just be like Sam to call just as he was about to get good and fucked. Dean swore if it was Sam calling…

He grabbed the singing piece of plastic off of the motel TV and was more curious than annoyed when he saw it was an unknown number. It was probably another hunter calling with a case. Dean pushed the call button and greeted the person on the other line.

“Hey, Dean,” said a familiar voice.

“Robin?” Dean asked, truly surprised to hear from her. Robin belonged to the realm of normal people who only met a hunter once in their lifetime if they were unlucky. Her world was miles away from Dean’s. Meaning, if she was calling she probably had a problem that only his special skill set could be used to take care of.

“Yeah, it’s me. How have you been?” she asked, her casual tone sounding forced.

Dean stopped himself from sighing; he figured he would indulge Robin in the polite small-talk dance that most people loved to engage in before they got to the fucking point. “Um… I’m fine, pretty good, actually,” he answered honestly, his mind drifting to what was waiting for him in the bathroom.

“That’s great. I’ve been better.” She took a deep breath and Dean waited for her to tell him about whatever monster was plaguing her or one of her loved ones. “Listen, Dean, I’m sorry to say this over the phone but someone had to tell you.” Her words and tone made Dean pause. So Robin didn’t have a monster problem. He supposed that might have been good news if she didn’t sound like she was about to tell Dean that something equally horrible had happened.

This time Dean did sigh as he rubbed his eyes. “Okay, Robin, what happened? You can lay it on me.”

“It’s Sonny. He’s sick,” Robin said softly.

Dean almost asked her what she meant. It took Dean a moment for his brain to catch up and realize that sick meant dying. It was understandable since he had never known anyone who died because they were sick. Most people probably wouldn’t consider it a privilege to die in a hospital bed after a long illness but most people hadn’t watched almost every person they’d ever loved or cared about be murdered by nightmare creatures.

Dean was taken out of his musing about dead loved ones by Robin’s voice. “Dean, are you still there?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“Yeah, I’m still here. I just… ah, what kind of sick?” Dean asked, honestly feeling at a loss as to what people usually said in a situation like this.

“It’s pretty bad, Dean. Sonny has pancreatic cancer,” she stated simply. Dean didn’t know exactly what pancreatic cancer was, but he did know from Robin’s tone that it meant that Sonny was very likely going to die soon.

“What? When did this happen?” Dean asked, sounding harsher than Robin deserved. She was just the messenger, after all.

“He’s been sick for a while but he told me like a week ago.”

“Fuck,” Dean whispered. His eyes burned and he wiped away the unshed tears. “I should have called.”

“No, Dean you couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.” Dean couldn’t help but snort at her words that sounded like nothing more than a platitude, even though he knew she was right. Dean wasn’t the type of person who just called old friends out of the blue to have a friendly chat, but he should have made an exception for Sonny.

Dean thought of Sonny, with his ridiculously outdated beard and side burns, and Dean ached inside. When he was at the boy’s home he had felt happy in a way that he had never allowed himself to feel before and didn’t feel for a long time after and he knew he had Sonny to thank for that. Sonny had given Dean a gift that he knew he’d never be able to reciprocate but he could have at least picked up a goddamn phone. Dean should have called Sonny before even if it was just to talk. Dean should have asked Sonny about the farm and if he was getting along with his new farmhand and housekeeper. Dean should have talked about Sam and how excited he was about the night classes he was taking. Charlie was another topic of conversation that Dean would have been happy to spend at least an hour talking about. But most of all, Dean should have told Sonny about Cas.

“Dean, you still there?” Robin asked, getting Dean’s attention back.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“I really didn’t want to be the one tell you, you know? I’ve been trying to get Sonny to call you ever since he told me, but he’s being a stubborn ass about it,” she said with an annoyed laugh. “He keeps saying things like he doesn’t want to bother you; like this isn’t the kind of thing you bother the people you care about with,” she added, sounding more than a little pissed off.

Dean laughed. “So I’m guessing he doesn’t know you’re calling?”

“No, he doesn’t but I don’t care. I know you’d want to know. When my dad was sick… I can’t imagine not being there for him and my family. I would never keep anyone away from that. Plus, I think that Sonny really does want you here,” Robin stated matter-of-factly.

“I hope you’re right about that,” Dean said quietly. Before Robin could answer with any reassurances, Dean added, “Thanks, Robin. We’ll be there later today, thirteen hours from now at the most.” He was already planning the route in his head.

“Oh course, Dean. I’ll see you soon.” Robin sounded relieved.

“Sure, see you.” Dean hug up and looked down at his phone without really seeing it. He all of a sudden felt very tired, and the idea of lying down and turning off the world for a while with sleep seemed very appealing. With all the practice he’d had at losing the people he cared about, one might think he’d be used to it by now, but it never got easier. It sucked just as much every time. It hurt every time. Cas would probably say that Dean’s ability to feel this pain made him human and that was something there were both lucky to be. Dean knew that was true but it didn’t stop his heart from hurting any less.

“Are you coming, or what?” a voice called from the shower. Right, Cas was in there with the promise of awesome sex, waiting for him.

Even though Dean’s enthusiasm for sex had evaporated with Robin’s call, Dean removed his sleep clothes and walked into the bathroom. Dean could probably at least do something for Cas, and having his naked skin pressed up against his best friend’s was something Dean would never object to. Dean arranged his features into what he hoped passed as a smile and pulled the shower curtain back. Cas’ back was to Dean and before he could turn and face him, Dean stepped into the tub and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist.

Castiel sighed as he leaned back into Dean and stroked the arms around his waist. When Dean felt himself begin to relax, Cas caught him off guard by turning in his arms and pressing Dean up against the tiles. When Cas looked into Dean’s eyes, his triumphant smile quickly faded away and was replaced by concern.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Cas asked, taking a small step back from Dean so that he was no longer sandwiching him between himself and the shower wall.

The hunter sighed. He really couldn’t hide anything from Cas anymore, could he? “If I said nothing, would you let it go for a while?”

Cas sighed and said, “I guess it depends on what it is. But for me to know, you’d have to tell me, and I believe that takes us back to where we started.”

Dean couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at Cas’ logic. The former angel smiled a little at his best friend’s chuckle and leaned forward to kiss him.

Dean hummed into the soft, sweet kiss and he knew that as much as he hated to feel vulnerable, Cas was someone he could be vulnerable with. When they parted and Dean was in Cas’ arms again, he felt safe enough to tell Cas about Robin’s phone call.

“It’s bad, Cas,” Dean admitted, keeping his eyes trained on a small scar on Cas’ left shoulder. The dark haired man was silent and waited for the hunter to continue. Dean sighed as he lifted his head to look into Cas’ concerned eyes. “Sonny has cancer.”

“Sonny? The Sonny who runs the boy’s home?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, that Sonny,” Dean stated sadly.

“Oh, Dean. I’m so sorry,” Cas said, gently running his fingers up and down Dean’s back. “So this means that we’re going to see him, right?”

“That’s the plan, yeah,” Dean said. “And it’s going to take at least half a day to drive there, so we really should get going.”

“Okay, well I already washed so you can finish up here and call Sam, and I’ll pack up the car and check out,” Castiel said, already moving to step out of the shower before stopping to giving Dean a quick kiss. “I promise I will still penetrate you from behind when we have the time and you want me to.”

Dean only shook his head and said, “Thank you, Cas.”

By the time Dean left the bathroom freshly showered and fully dressed Castiel was returning to their room carrying a basket full of tomatoes.

“I told Mr. Watts we had to leave earlier than planned to be with a sick friend and he gave us a discount for this day,” Cas said, his voice full of fondness for the generous motel manager. “Next time we come to Chicago, we should stay here.”

“Or if we ever need fresh produce,” Dean quipped as he took his phone from the kitchenette table. He hit the call button when Sam’s name was highlighted on his contact list. He sighed, hating the idea that the list of people they knew who had died was getting longer. The phone only rang twice before Sam picked up.

“Hey Dean, what’s up?” Sam asked, sounding out of breath. Dean had caught his brother in the middle of his morning run.

“Cas and I are going to Hurleyville, New York, and we’re leaving soon,” Dean said. He watched Cas sit on the bed, patiently waiting for Dean to tell Sam the news before they hit the road.

“Hurleyville… wait, isn’t that were Sonny lives?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, we’re going to see him. He’s sick, Sammy,” Dean said, his voice breaking, catching up to him by surprise. He used to be so good at masking, repressing, and ignoring his emotions. What ever happened to that guy?

“Shit, I’m sorry, Dean. I have some stuff to finish up here and I’ll be on my way. I’ll be there tomorrow, for sure.” Sam sounded as if he was starting to run again. “I’ll call you later today and let you know about what time I’ll get there.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Cas. Bye, Sam,” Dean said as he hung up.

Cas stood up and asked, “Sam’s coming, too?”

“Yeah, it will be a while, though. He’s busy, a case probably,” Dean said, wishing that Sam was with them right now instead of locked away in the bunker in Kansas.

“We should go. Sonny’s waiting for you, right?” Cas asked, taking Dean’s hand, grabbing the basket of tomatoes with the other, and walked towards the door.

“Actually it was Robin who called, but yeah she’s waiting,” Dean answered as they left the motel room.

It was a lovely day with warm sunshine. It didn’t improve Dean’s mood much but clear skies meant good driving conditions. Dean sat behind the wheel of the Impala and started it up, hoping he would know what to say to Sonny by the time he and Cas got to New York.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave a comment if you're feeling talkative or a kudo if you like it.
> 
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**Author's Note:**

> Remember comments and kudos are currency. Leave a dollar in the hat if you like the story.


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